The greatest gift of all

Before I set the stage, so to speak, you need to know:

• Two weeks ago, D. Jr. celebrated his third birthday and has been a bit birthday obsessed ever since.


• D. Jr.’s female cousin, EJ, is also three years old.


• Both children have recently developed a keen interest in gender, gender differences and, yup, you guessed it, genitals.


• Because I don't want to even contemplate the type of Internet traffic this could generate, you will find some creative spellings below.

Location: The washroom at music class. Momily has brought both children into the washroom to go pee. It’s just the three of us, a sink and a toilet.

Momily: Who wants to pee first?

EJ: Me! I can sit on the toilet by myself without using my hands and hang off the toilet and swing my legs. I can wipe myself and . . .

Momily: OK, great! Let’s hurry up.

EJ: Boys have peenisses and girls have privates!

D. Jr.: No, EJ, girls have vagginas!

Momily: Um, yes, you’re both right.

Momily puts EJ to the sink. D. Jr. begins to pee standing up into toilet.

EJ (in equal parts shock, surprise, amazement and jealousy): D. Jr., you have a peeniss!!

D. Jr.: Yes, I got it for my birthday.


I’m not kidding. Really, totally, for reals.