BUMMER!

Daniel has a nasty diaper rash. I’m not sure how as we are so anal retentive (sorry, couldn’t resist the pun) about changing his diapers often and we apply Vaseline or ointment after every change. I think it might be something he ate (we recently tried watermelon and blueberries for the first time).

Anyway, the rash has a few little open sores that are bleeding a bit. It breaks my heart every time I change him.

So librarian-mom to the rescue! I figured I could Internet-research for some easy and effective home remedies (in my mind something along the lines of “mix corn starch with water; apply”).

Here are some of the gems that I found - proof that you can find comedy on the Net without even trying. Note that the bolded parts are exactly what appeared on various sites:

“Mix 2 drops each of essential oils of sandalwood, peppermint (Mentha piperita), and lavender (Lavandula officinalis) in 4 tbsp. of a carrier lotion or oil such as sweet almond oil; gently apply the lotion to the reddened area of skin.”

or how about

"Here is an ointment you can make at home:1 tbsp. each: dried chickweed (Stellaria media) leaves, powdered marsh mallow (Althaea officinalis) root, and powdered comfrey (Symphytum officinale) root.1/8 tsp. goldenseal (Hydrastis canadensis) root powder.1 cup sweet almond oil.1/4 cup beeswax.*In a cast-iron pan, heat the herbs in the oil for 5 to 10 minutes. Don't let them burn. Add beeswax and let it melt. Strain the mixture through cheesecloth into a jar with a tight-fitting lid. Refrigerate until solid. Apply when you diaper your baby. The rash should improve after three or four applications. Discard after two months."
-My kid’s ass is on fire, so what I really want to do is drive all over Edmonton looking for dried chickweed, sweet almond oil and powdered comfrey.

Put your "naked baby on a lambskin or near a sunny window."
-For the love of God, why?! Is this a home remedy for diaper rash or how to turn your baby into Hugh Hefner?

“Use vinegar in the bath water and let the child soak for about 10 minutes - fill tub to waistline, and add bout 1/4 -1/2 cup white vinegar.”
-Don’t know about you, but if my butt was raw and bleeding I’m pretty sure the last thing I would want to do is soak it in vinegar!!!

“2 to 3 ounces of cranberry juice given to older infants will leave an acid residue in the urine, helping lower pH and reduce irritation.”
-I included this one only because I though Dr. Ange might enjoy reading about yet another curative power of cranberry juice.

“when changing a babys diaper put the unwrapped tea bags in his/hers diaper when they pee in there diaper the tea bags will realese a chemical that heals the rash with in 1 day you can reuse the tea bags just put them in a clean diaper but beware it WILL turn the babys bottem brown”
-Does anyone understand this at all!? Is it Engrish? I’m not sure. Perhaps if your baby’s bum is stained brown you just don’t notice that it’s red and bleeding. The “you can reuse the tea bags” part is more than a bit scary, no?

“you need to put baby powder and shortening together in a same bowl until it is thicken then put it on the babys bottom use every diaper change and u will see the difference in first diaper rash......use it especially when the babys bottom is red and crackin it will improve it after first diaper change”
-First of all, is “crackin” really the best choice of words here? Secondly, does this make anyone else think that the song “mama’s little baby loves shortnin’, shortnin” means something else altogether?

If you have any rash remedies that don’t involve tea, vinegar or Barry White please let me know.

And finally . . .

Some of you have asked me what pregnancy and childbirth are really like.This site explains it the best in my opinion (yes, ladies, newborn babies really do “jazz hands” as they exit the birth canal!). http://www.planetdan.net/pics/babies/