Thursday, July 17, 2008

A spoonful of sugar helps the medicine go down

The whole blogging thing has been on my mind a lot lately. I’ve received some interesting feedback about the blog over the last few weeks and it all has me wondering.

Two weeks ago, D. Sr. and I actually had an opportunity to attend a dinner party soiree sans enfants. The people in attendance were mostly “his friends,” but at this point in the game (8.5 years of wonderful togetherness) those lines are pretty much blurred. Anyway, one of “his friends” asked me how I was doing, what with the new baby and all. I said something like “ok” or “fine” and our friend responded with, “That’s not what your blog says!” I was a bit taken aback . . . I mean I know the blog can be negative and all, but I sure hope it’s not ENTIRELY negative. It’s just that LIFE IS HARD RIGHT NOW . . .so when I write about life right now, well, you get the picture?! But still, it has me wondering if I can ever let my children read my blog when they are somewhat grown up without giving them a complex or something. So somewhat grown up versions of my babies hear this: Momma loves you and has always loved you, I promise, but Momma just hasn’t loved every moment of mommyhood (esp. those moments involving puke, poop, pee and sheer exhaustion).

Then about a week ago, my brother-in-law remarked something to the effect that it’s a good thing D. Sr. rarely reads my blog because of how I represent things. I *think* he was mainly referring to this post. It kind of surprised me. I mean, I try really hard not to discuss D. Sr. too much on the blog because he didn’t sign up for this. I justify my discussion of the kids because what I write about is stuff they would do in front of anybody and that I would share with anybody. I try to write about the parenting and not our marriage per se, but sometimes they are inseparable. That’s why I don’t use our real names. I’m not convinced that it’s “bad” that I wrote that D. Sr. and I fight and argue - the blog is read almost entirely by people that know us and I’m pretty sure it doesn’t surprise any of you that we, um, quarrel from time to time. Note that I was careful not to identify what we argue about and how I’m right all the time and he’s not. My BIL also commented that it’s good/healthy that I have a venue in which to vent (insinuating perhaps that I would otherwise explode at home or something?!). I agree . . . but I think it’s also a good thing that D. Sr. can read my vents if he wants to, as it seems like our communication has taken a back seat since 2.0 entered our lives.

So, I guess I’m somewhat concerned that the blog isn’t more positive and that this seems to be resonating with folks on some level. My intent is for this to be an honest chronicle of my motherhood experience . . . and the last 3 months have been really hard slogging and the months before that I was a very grumpy and uncomfortable pregnant lady. I hope the cloud of negativity will pass soon, but I can’t promise anything (Mary Poppins I ain’t!).

Perhaps the “warts and all” part of motherhood and marriage is dominating right now, but rest assured there are lots of good, funny and amusing things (which I do share from time to time, no?). I will share two now. My lovely son has started picking his nose lately (I know, ugh) and doing all kinds of disgusting things with the proceeds. I am constantly hounding him to stop picking his nose, to use a Kleenex, to put said Kleenexes in the garbage – you get the picture. A few days ago I noticed that our kitchen trash can was covered in smeared-on boogers. I found this VERY funny, perhaps because I count this as parenting progress (they’re kind of in the garbage, right?), but mainly because She Who Must Maintain Cleanliness (AKA me) was actually able to let it go. It seems like a defining mommy moment to me – you grow and learn and change with your kids and sometimes it’s the most unglamorous and simplest incidents that drive that home.

And, as for 2.0, she seems to have finally gotten over her colic (most of the time!). She is entering that true baby stage and leaving “newborn” behind. She has started to do things like roll and play on her activity may and coo and smile and gurgle. It is pretty awesome and heart-warming and touching. Gush. I was recently playing with her on her mat and I noticed just how perfect and “new” and delicate her skin is. It’s a weird thing, but it occurred to me that very soon her beautiful and unsullied feet will be just like D. Jr.’s: dirty, bruised, scraped and in general disrepair from a toddler’s day’s work. But right now her feet and toes are perfect – feet that have never been walked on or stuffed into shoes or calloused or irritated by anything. I was tickling her feet and legs and it all really seemed like the sweetest and most pristine thing in the world; like the kind of thing that makes you have babies in the first place. Um diddle diddle diddle, um diddle ay . . .


At 5:26 PM , Blogger Laura said...

How is it no one has commented on this yet?
I have been reading your blog for a few months now.
I am a mom of 4. And I appreciate honesty. I enjoy reading the TRUTH about mothering. I like knowing that I am not alone in this.

I, too, worry that my blog is totally negative. That I complain too much. That my children would be horrified to ever read my words. But here is the thing...
being a mother IS fantastic. And we all know that. And we all talk about that, because THAT (the good part of being a mom), is acceptable. But what about the rough times? What about the moments that we wish we could not have children..just for a be single again? What about the pee on the floor, the shit in our hair, the fat on our asses, and the kids crying? We NEED to talk about that. We need to know that it is part of the job, and in the end, we will all be OK.

To blog about the reality of motherhood is like going to therapy, but cheaper. And the great part about it is that after a hideous day, once it is written down and posted, you are able to sit back, look at it, and find the humor in it all.

I have never, ever read your words, and questioned your actual happiness. I have, though, read your words, and been touched. I have cried, and laughed, and quietly smiled. I love reading the "beautiful" blogs; the ones with the picture perfect photos of the kids, with recipes of the homemade bread that they made with their mom. But you show us what happens before and after those perfect moments. If I want to see happy, well dressed families, I'll flip through a Pottery Barn Kids magazine! But I want more. I want the truth. And so, thank you, for giving so many readers just that.

At 9:47 PM , Blogger Momily said...

Thanks for your thoughtful comments . . . i think no one has commented because maybe nobody reads my blog!!


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