Sunday, May 06, 2007

Social life and the married mother

Since having D Jr my social life has taken a major nosedive. It is due to a combination of things (like several members of my main posse moving away from me), but the biggest contributor is that “going out” now requires more planning, a babysitter and all the other stuff I have addressed on the blog before.

For many months I was feeling pretty sorry for myself. But then I decided to take some initiative, recalling all the times in the past that I have lectured single friends about joining a class or somehow getting out there more. I formed a little book club. Not terribly exciting, I know, but for some of us there is nothing better than ripping apart or praising literature and/or film in a group setting. I am a librarian after all!

I recruited a few friends and they recruited some folks and we have about 8-10 people now. It gives me a guaranteed grown-up night out about once a month which is an improvement.

In theory.

Our meetings have been poorly attended (maybe I run a boring/shitty bookclub?!). Due to “life intruding” the meeting that was scheduled last week was cancelled altogether because no one could make it. It seems that it is hard to pick a date that works for all, most or even half of our members. I’m hoping book club rallies, but I fear that it may not.

Now, don’t get me wrong, I’m not mad or anything. I understand that things happen, plans change, etc. etc. But it was kind of a big disappointment for me when this last meeting got cancelled. It got me thinking about how different “social life” is for me now; how little social events hold bigger meaning for me now than they did before I had a kid.

Most of the other people in the book club don’t have kids. If they miss a meeting or have to cancel it’s no big deal. For me, though, a cancelled meeting means that I have missed out on “my grown-up night.” It’s kind of sad and it makes me feel a bit desperate – like, “whoo-hoo, adult company and dinner! I don’t care where or with whom!” However, the truth is that anytime I go out on my own now or the times where D Sr and I go out together, it’s NOT just another night eating out or just another night at the bar. It’s special – and that is both good and bad.

Perhaps, I need to take MORE initiative. If book club folds, I will certainly need to take different initiative. But when a typical week for us looks like:

One night- I work
One night- I get to go out, D Sr parents.
Two nights-D Sr goes out, I parent.
One night- we spend at D’s parents
One night-my family visits
One night- we *maybe* get someone to babysit and “go out” as a couple (this includes things like going to Home Depot without a toddler)
One night – nada or something completely different (i.e. fine family dining at Humpty’s!)

It’s hard to know where to start or what to change.

Creative writing class, anyone?


At 2:26 PM , Anonymous akk said...

ems, maybe one suggestion is to invite friends over to your house more often. that way, you don't have to worry about a babysitter, you can booze as you please, and you're still socializing. between the giant tv, gins, and the jacuzzi, what's not to love about a night out at the fringers?

At 9:38 PM , Anonymous Anonymous said...

A weekend in Vancouver sans D Jr would also help...just saying


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