Lithium, Part Two

5:30 pm – In a strange turn of events, I hardly had time to miss my son today. I went to the salon to get my eyebrows waxed (how glamorous!). My salon is on Whyte Ave and 96th Street (for those that don’t know, it’s a fairly high traffic area for out city). I was early for my appointment and waiting in the car when I noticed what appeared to be a lost dog. I concluded that it was indeed a lost dog when it started crossing back and forth across Whyte Ave and narrowly missed being run over SEVERAL times. It was a potentially sad and dangerous scene.

I called my sister who gave me the number for the city pound. I called the pound and they said they would send someone as soon as they could. I went in for my appt., but while I was waiting he almost got hit again. So I left and with the help of passer-bys got this very large, yet friendly, safely dog into my car.

Then I thought, “Oh shit, there’s a huge, strange dog in my car. D Sr may kill me.”

I went back to the salon and explained the situation. The girls were nice and eager to help me out. We managed to get the dog out my car and tied it up to a pole using an extension cord!! One of the girls even got him a bowl of water. I

called the pound again. They said they were sending someone ASAP. I went in and got my eyebrows waxed while another girl watched the dog. Then after I was done I stayed outside with it until the pound arrived and took the mystery hound away.

I then decided that I am an awesome person and deserve to wear something nice to the wedding and, god damn it, there’s a million women out there the same size as me. I went to Winners and inside of 30 minutes found and bought TWO fabulous dresses!! It must be karma as I hardly ever find dresses that fit me let alone after only 15 minutes of shopping . . . and they were hugely reduced to $29.99 each! Woo-hoo! I hope this karma continues to work its magic for the next time Petey goes missing.

As for my poor son, well, I was actually 20 minutes “late” picking him up because I decided to disinfect the car of strange dog before putting my son in it. When I got to the daycare D Jr seemed shell-shocked. That’s really the only word. He looked like a a baby that has been crying a lot and is very tired. Raisa told me that he didn’t cry “much” but that he cried sporadically throughout the day. On the plus side, he apparently napped 2 hours for them and ate like a horse. He wasn’t clingy and didn’t cry when he saw me. When we got home he got right into play mode and then crashed for a nap an hour later. On the downs side, Raisa suggested I bring him by on Wednesday for an hour so he can start getting better used to it. Then he gets another full day next Friday.We’ll see, I guess.

If you want to see a pic of the dog go here; you're looking for the Australian Shperhed/Collie cross found Aug 31. Apparently he’s a she - L-O-L-A, Lola. The pic does not do her justice – she is very cute and not at all scary looking. You should consider adopting her.

Anyway, this is really the last post until Tuesday or Wednesday next week. Miss ya already bloggees.

Baby Barracks, Part Two: Does anyone have any lithium?

11:00 am: I feel like I’ve been weeping for 18 hours (OK ‘cause I have). Dropping off D Jr. at daycare this morning was one of the hardest things I have ever had to do. Leaving the house felt like some sort of walk of doom -- not made easier by the fact that Petey bolted through the front door while this was happening (without his collar, of course) and almost got run over by a neighbour backing out of her driveway. Luckily D Sr was here (1st day of is a daycare family affair), so while I had D Jr, he was able to chase down the dog who thought it was all a hilarious game. Pet for sale – cheap!

When we dropped off D Jr I cried the whole time, which I said I wouldn’t do especially in front of “strangers” (i.e. the staff). Who am I kidding?! Most of you saw the great wedding debacle of ’04. . . Anyway, the daycare lady (from herein called Raisa) had to actually comfort me and tell me it would be fine, that Daniel would be fine, etc. I at least laughed then and I told her that as I also work with kids I know that 99% of the problems on the job are the parents!! Amazingly, I’ve become one of them!

My other major anxiety at the moment is that as I was trying on outfits out of my closet last night for the upcoming wedding that we are attending, I came to realize just how much weight I have really gained since D Jr. For some of the ladies out there you’ll understands how bad it is after reading this: my plan B “fat skirt” ensemble it too tight and the outfit that I had intended on wearing does not fit at all. Sigh! I know that some of this is not going to change – I am pretty sure my entire pelvis area is WIDER forever since childbirth – but most of this is my fault. I snack too much and don’t do enough "exercise." The harsh realization that came to me yesterday is that I need to start up my running regime again which I hate mostly because it will have to happen in the mornings or it just won’t happen at all. OK – I am fortunate because historically I am one of those people who quite easily loses weight if I exercise (hopefully, this is still true!). I just loathe exercise and hate early mornings and also have a hard time feeling motivated to shed pounds when I get to birth another Fringer Jr. sometime in the near future. However, I am more tired of being everyone’s funny fat friend (if my life were movie I’d play whatever role Jeanine Garofalo gets), and I’m pretty sure that after this upcoming weekend of hanging out with my girlfriends who all make Kate Moss look fat, I’ll have some motivation/inspiration.

So does anyone have any mood altering substances they can pass this way? I take great comfort in knowing that the father of the bride will at least make sure that my glass is always half full (of alcohol) this weekend.

Dear Store: I hate you!

My latest letter of vitriol campaign:

RE: Poor customer service experience at Edmonton store location

I would like to let you know of a disappointing experience we recently had at the store name in Edmonton.

Last weekend, we intended to purchase a Britax carseat at store name in Edmonton. I called the store before we left our home. I asked the person who answered the phone for hours of operation and whether Britax carseats were in stock. I was told there were certainly some in stock. When we arrived at the store, however, we were told that the only Britax Marathon in stock had a floral pattern (we have a one year old boy). All the other Britax Marathons on display had hand-written signs that said "out of stock". I asked a staff person to double-check on this and it turned out that even the "in stock" floral pattern was out of stock. There was only ONE Britax Roundabout carseat left, but we are not interested in that smaller model. The staff person told us that it would take at least 4 weeks for a new shipment of carseats to arrive.

Although the staff person that we dealt with in the store was not particularly helpful or apologetic, my complaint does not lie there. I would have expected more from the staff person who took our initial phone call, such as some indication that there was a stock problem with Britax carseats or that in actuality only one Britax carseat was in the store. The location of the Edmonton store is more than 30 minutes away from our house, so this was a wasted and frustrating trip for us. I also don't understand why store name would allow Britax carseats to run completely out of stock. This is poor customer service all the way around. We could not wait 4 weeks for a carseat and because of that the store lost a $299 sale from us that day.

Until the weekend, I did not know that big chain store carried Britax carseats. We bought our seat there. Although I would normally enjoy supporting a small store like store name over a big chain department store, in this case the lesson learned was that store name is the last place for us to try, not the first.

Emily Fringer
Edmonton, Alberta

3 unrelated paragraphs about nothing

The lead up to September always feels like the real “new year” is about to begin doesn’t it? At least that’s how it normally is for me and this year is no exception with me going “back to work” soon and D. Jr. starting daycare. A few “new beginnings” this fall. I was musing about this – how this is more “new year” than January 1, 2007 will be - when it kind of struck me that as I want my next child to be only 2-3 years younger than Daniel, 2007 will likely be quite “new” as I will probably be pregnant with a brand new child for a good portion of it. Hard to believe that somewhere in the next 12 months I get to be as big as whale all over again. I’m not exactly sure what made me think of all that . . .

I was talking to a friend the other day and she said that the blog is "great," (I'll settle for okay) but that it lulls her into feeling like she’s keeping in touch with me when she’s actually not. I wonder what some of you think of that? Is the blog good or bad in that respect? I do feel like I am “keeping in touch” with some of you through the blog, but let’s face it we aren’t really. I think the blog HAS cut down on how often I call folks or how often they call me, but who knows? It’s summer and I have a kid, after all – in other words we’re all busy! So, is my blog (or blogs in general) replacing real conversation? Are we still communicating even if all we’re doing is posting comments? PLEASE COMMENT AWAY . . . or call me.

And you should know . . . that I’m away for the upcoming long weekend and a few days around it. I imagine I will post one more time before we leave, and then nothing until probably Wednesday of next week. I know I promised a posting during the first day of daycare, but I don’t think that will happen. I anticipate that you’ll get to hear all about the first day of baby barracks next week and you will also get to find about our exciting travel-vacation experience with a baby.

Need some amusement? Try these: http://www.bbc.co.uk/science/humanbody/mind/index_surveys.shtml

Keep on truckin’: Our week in review

I hope everyone's ready for the upcoming Truckin' Week!

Saturday: We buy a brand new minivan - exciting and deflating at the same time. A weird and wonderful day as we become a two vehicle household!

evening: I get totally lost on way to a library ladies evening event in Sherwood Park. I only realize how fully lost I am when I find myself on the road to Fort Saskatchewan! Of course a torrential downpour is happening while I’m lost so I can barely see where I’m going, etc. I finally manage to reorient myself and get to the soiree albeit very late. Stressful and horrible for a new driver, but after that figure I can indeed drive anywhere now!

Sunday: Same old, same old (in other words, lose my mind at the in-laws’ house).

Monday: check up on how the in-laws are doing with babysitting our niece all day (due to daycare being shut down with water issues). I find that although they have killed the fish (fish WILL eat themselves to death), baby E is fine (despite desperately requiring a fresh diaper and something more to eat than the grandparentals’ meal of choice for her: Kraft Dinner).

Tuesday: My brother is in town for a few days. Turns out to be a godsend because I end up babysitting baby E due to the daycare issues. Baby E is quite unhappy for part of the afternoon, so my brother has to amuse and care for D. Jr. for a couple of hours. My 21 year-old brother announces at 9pm that he is “exhausted” due to his few hours of babycare. Feel smug and vindicated. Have new admiration for my friend Ali with twins.

evening: Daniel has a puke-a-rama. We are sick with worry and sick of being covered in sick.

Wednesday: My first “faux” day of going back to work - but it's just for an afternoon of training. My brother and sister care for a sick D. Jr. in the afternoon while I’m gone (poor them!). I almost get into a car accident en route home when a lady on a cell phone narrowly misses turning into me. I learn that real rush-hour driving is an entirely different beast than what I'm used to. Highlight of the day: When we’re in the staff room, I ask the ladies at work what’s new. One of them holds up a scrub brush that’s in the sink and says, “This is new.” I start laughing and then realize that she is not joking around. No one else is laughing. Another fine "my life as a Fellini movie" moment.

evening: My brother cooks for us – a big treat and we love it.

Thursday: This was supposed to be D. Jr.’s first day of daycare, but – surprise, surprise – daycare is still shut down. I reschedule my hair appointment for later in the day when D. Sr. is home. I intend to lose about 3 inches of hair but lose more like 6. It’s fine, but I have NEVER gone to hairdresser who has actually cut my hair the way I asked. My new hair might actually be a blessing disguise – much faster to dry and comb/brush out.

evening: I kick some pretty major ass at poker for most of the night. Somehow find myself $5 down by the end of the night, though.

Friday: A do nothing day. Our excitement is dropping clothes off at the drycleaner and going to the park. A highlight is that Daniel manages to get the four construction guys replacing the sidewalk across the street to wave at him through the window and make goofy faces. One of the older guys – I’d bet money that he’s a grandpa – actually makes a young guy wave back!

Due to having nothing to do, I am able to catch up on the newspapers accumulating in the house. As usual, I’m shocked at humanity in general. First off, I am somehow disheartened to learn that the family of the accused JonBenet Ramsey killer have already signed the rights away to a book and movie deal. Call me old-fashioned, but if my brother was a nutter on his way to jail I don’t think one of the first things I’d be doing is trying to make money off it. Not to mention how disgusting and tawdry the whole thing is – ugh. Secondly, am very shocked (and sickened) to learn about the poor, young girl who was held captive by yet another nutter in Austria for 8 years! Neighbours were aware that the nutter in this case had done things like “expose himself” to their children, but somehow decided not to call the authorities about it. Third, Edmontonians are very upset that a lady that brutally stabbed her German Shepherd in the head a few months ago (the dog lived and is now with a foster family) will not be charged with anything and, in fact, could successfully appeal to get her dog back. Meanwhile, a guy that killed another person due to very careless driving on a local freeway got 15 days in jail – that he can serve on weekends. No one seems too concerned by this. I LOVE animals, but . . .


Today: we keep trying to accomplish something, but all D. Jr. wants to do is sleep! NY Times crossword, here I come.

Image source: The Canadian Truck Alliance - who knew (besides Salma)?!

Isn't it ironic. . .dontcha think?

The first day of daycare was supposed to be today . . . but the daycare is still closed due to their waterworks issue.

Not sure when the "real" first day will be. I can't believe that all my anxiety has been "for nothing" - at least this week.

In other news, Daniel is sick again. He spent the night before last vomiting - once on me and once on D. Sr. (and a third time where we were both too wise to get fooled again and just his highchair got hit). When he puked on me I was comforting him and he actually puked IN MY FACE! I will not get into more detail here because it is actually too gross and too soon for me to relive. D. Sr.'s groin got puked on. The shower was well-used between 4 and 5 am that night.

D. Jr.'s still sick but hasn't puked for 24 hours. YAY!! He is crabby and sniffly and irritable and I'm pretty sure he's getting molars as well.

Yesterday on three hours of sleep and worried about a sick kid, I'm proud to say that I still went to my faux "first day of work" - it was a three hour training session at work that my boss asked me to attend (I get to bank 3 hours for a later time, AKA: the next time D. Jr.'s sick). My sister looked after Daniel so I wasn't really worried about him, but it was still quite a stretch for me.

That's all for now; I can hear a sick bebe stirring.

Baby Barracks, Part One: Waterworks

I’ve decided to break up my experience (and Daniel’s!) with the whole daycare thing into three parts. I figure that a before, during, and after trifecta will be amusing for me to look back on and laugh at one day (right?!). Although I’m crying on the inside (and outside!) right now, I’m sure (um, really, I’m sure) that one day it will all seem like amusing ancient history to me. So, this posting will cover what’s going on before the dreaded “first day of daycare.” I hope to also post a second portion sometime during the first day of daycare. And finally, in a few weeks I’ll post something about “after the fact,” although I’m sure there’ll be some more stuff before then, too!

Flashback! Daniel was about a month old. Dustin and I had just returned form bringing him to some kind of medical appointment. I was severely sleep-deprived and still physically recovering from childbirth, although at that point it was mostly all “hormonal” stuff. I definitely had the baby blues and then some. Anyway, I was lamenting something about being home and going crazy and Dustin said something to the effect that I should try to think of my maternity leave as a “one year vacation.” Well, I started crying right there in the car . . . and didn’t stop for about 3 days. In D’s defence, I think it really was a poor word choice and not that he actually thought I was “vacationing” with my four week old. What I really remember, though, was that at that time I felt like maternity leave would never, ever end.

Well, my one-year vacation is over in 20 days!

In 20 days, I’m back at work for approx. 24 hours/week (most weeks that means 3 full days a week, but sometimes more or less). While I’m at work, D. Jr. needs to be in daycare. This has caused no ends of anxiety, regret and conflicted feelings for me, but the long and the short of it is that there is no other childcare option for us. So, in order to avoid a massive meltdown in my boss’s office on my first day back (which is September 11th, ironically), we are starting Daniel in daycare for 1 day/week for the next 3 weeks. His first day is Thursday! I truly cannot believe it.

There are several problems/issues that I have with putting Daniel in daycare. I’d like to be able to say that “we have,” but D. Sr. is fine with our choice and we have no idea how D. Jr. will or will not be with it at this time. So right now, the only person in the Fringer household with issues about daycare is Momily. My issues/paranoias/problems are as follows:

• For sure, the BIGGEST one is that I simply don’t want someone else looking after my baby for extended periods of time. It’s a trust and fear issue. I know nobody can do the same job that I do with him. I’m concerned because I wish so badly that he could be looked after by someone who LOVES him and has a vested interest in him other than business. I feel that as a baby he still really needs me all the time. I wonder how he will cope with me not being there for him when he needs me; I wonder how he will feel making a transition from always having me available to simply not for almost half his week.



• Two, I am fearful that the baby barracks staff are not up to snuff re: the hygiene, safety, mental stimulation and emotional support of D Jr. This is connected to the above, because to be frank, I am fearful that no one is as good at tending to the hygiene, safety, mental stimulation and emotional support of D Jr. as I am. A girl I used to work with who has little kids in daycare told me, “once you get over the fact that no one takes care of your kids as good as you do, it gets easier.” I wonder how I’ll get over this.



• The next biggest issue is guilt. It is closely intertwined with the above, but the main facet here is that I feel guilty about going back to work. Going back to work feels very selfish. I am doing it entirely for me and my mental health, as we could make a go of things on one salary and be fine. We are very fortunate that way. So, me going back to work is a statement saying that I’m not really the stay at home type, although I think that I could do it. Yes, I could do the stay at home mom thing, but I just don’t think I would enjoy it and therefore be much good at it. I want to emphasize that I have a lot of respect for women that do it and I’m in no way criticizing that choice (see next paragraph). I just think that I’m not cut out for it. I am really hoping that 3 or so days at work and 4 or so days at home will be a good balance for all of us. Part of going back to work also has to do with my concern that if I quit my job and stay home for x years, I would then have difficulty returning to the work force. Therefore, I feel guilty about making a choice for the present, the benefits of which I may not see for quite some time and the effects of which might be negative in the immediate future.



• Issue four, more guilt – in my heart I think that “stay at home” is really what is best for babies, specifically my baby! I think at some later point D. Jr. would be fine in daycare and enjoy being with other kids. But as a wee baby, I just don’t think it’s ideal. I guess I’m not making friends with Germaine Greer anytime soon.



• Lastly, I’m not madly in love with our daycare. I’m more like moderately in like with it. However, we looked at five or so others and I liked them much less. The waiting lists for some of the supposedly “really good” ones were 8-12 months long when we started doing this in May, so I didn’t even bother with those because I think that switching him after a few months is a bad idea. I don’t want to change things on him after he’s just gotten used to somewhere.

So, why did we choose our daycare/what’s good about it? Well . . .

• Our niece attends it and really likes it, but she is only 14 months old and also really likes dirt, rocks and the musical stylings of Raffi. So, more importantly, her parents really like it.



• Our niece is there and her parents are around so there will be some familiar faces for D. Jr. Also, Aunt and Uncle get off work before us and might pick up D. Jr. early, too, once in awhile.



• The daycare is 2 blocks from our house. We will not be wasting any time shuttling D. Jr. to and from barracks. No travel time means that on the days we both work we will maximize our time with D. Jr. and minimize our time going nuts in the morning.



• The daycare is located in a school (I feel this lends some credibility, but who knows?!)



• The people who own and operate it are nice and friendly and seem to genuinely be good with and enjoy kids. They are kind, but also no-nonsense.



• Their rates are reasonable and they are one of the only places that was happy to accommodate my insane, inconsistent part-time shift schedules.



• It’s not a structured, hippy, nouveau parenting kind of place. Kids are allowed to be kids. The daycare is ethnically diverse and I think that the cultural diversity of the kids, parents, owners and staff gives the daycare a bit of an anything goes atmosphere, which I like. No one seems uptight. The kids don’t look like fashion plates at 10 months of age. No one seems to be overscheduled and rigid. For example, one little girl in the baby room has parents who let her wear her ballerina tutu everyday! She wears her tutu on top of her other clothes even if it’s 100 degrees outside. I just love this. One of the baby boys has the best baby mullet I have ever seen. Whereas some of the other daycares we saw looked like a commercial for Baby Gap, this one really does not. I’m happy that I’m not going to be judged about what my kid wears or eats! I may try out the baby mullet, too.

What I don’t like about it:

• It’s in the basement of the school. It’s a bit dark even with its windows. It has a bit of a depressing look to it, but maybe I’m projecting.



• The owners seem to have a liberal interpretation of the adult-child ratios . . . Sometimes they do things like call in a relative of unknown training and qualifications if they REALLY need an extra adult. It’s a family affair, but when it’s not my family I have a bit of reservation!



• There’s a bit of a language barrier between the owners and us, but so far we’ve managed to get through forms, schedules, rules etc. with minimal problems.



• The owners seem to be quite worry-free when it comes to letting kids that are sick attend anyway and potentially get the other kids sick.



• Although for the most part I like the unstructured state of things and the spontaneity of things, I do worry that somehow D. Jr. will be missing out on the fact that there’s not organized, educational fun. I’m not sure how things are in the toddler room (maybe those things happen there), but they don’t seem to do much by way of books, music, etc. in the baby room. They do things like “let’s all play in the wading pool” though.



• They are currently dealing with plumbing problems that actually has shut them down for a couple of days. I have visions of e coli and spongiform on the ground wherever my kid will be playing. I am obsessing about the fecal-oral route of disease transmission. This backed up pipes issue has me really worried, to be honest. Although no one’s actually said the words “raw sewage,” worrywart Momily is suspicious.

So there you have it – my pre-daycare tension in all its splendour and gory details. I’m looking forward to getting back to wok and actually miss the mental stimulation of my job – but I just feel so bad right now. Worried, nervous, sad, guilty, anxious, and the list could go on. I am on the verge of tears all the time and I’m not even PMSing. I hope the baby barracks/Momily at work combo for three will work out and be good, or at the very lest doable, for everyone. If not, my one year vacation may soon be replaced by a permanent one.

you know you're getting old when . . .

Yesterday, we bought this:

Today, we feel like this:

Image sources: Kia Sedona from www.cars.com; American Gothic from www.allposters.com.

Blog break

I’m taking a few days hiatus from posting. I’m running a few errands today. D. Sr. gets back tonight and we are going to spend the weekend car, er, minivan shopping. I even have plans for Saturday evening – a library ladies soiree! So, I’m somewhat busy and, I have to be honest, the last post and the drama surrounding it has me a bit blogged out right now.

Anyway, I imagine I will post something on Monday or Tuesday probably about my massive [panic] attacks re: daycare. Daniel’s trial-run first day is Thurs. Aug. 24th!!! EEEKKK!

I will still be checking email sporadically so if you comment it will make its way on to the blog in a semi-timely fashion.

Until then, those of you that work in government or libraries, may especially find the following funny: http://freegovinfo.info/best.

Image source: http://freegovinfo.info/best; http://www.flickr.com/photos/77572688@N00/200102747/in/set-72157594214633198/.

Notes on the club

ASIDE: A young man, who happens to be an in-law of a good friend of mine, has gone missing in E-town. He was last seen in the area of Folk Fest on the 13th. If you have some time, please visit this site to see if you maybe know something without knowing it or can help in some way.

One of my “child-free” friends made a remark a few months ago that she found it annoying that women act like they’re in some kind of exclusive club as soon they become mothers. She was drunk at the time, if I remember correctly, so I’m not committing her to her comments, but she did go on at length about how ridiculous it all seemed to her. She asked me if whenever I was at her parents’ house in the future would I start hanging out in the kitchen with her mom and the other moms instead of partying it up with the (not so) young ‘uns. I just may have been drunk at the time too, so I can’t remember exactly what I said. I’m pretty sure I didn’t say what was really on my mind – “motherhood is a club and you’re not gonna get it til a Junior pops out of your own loins" and "actually there is some stuff I'd love to talk to your mom about." I think I probably said something along the lines of “well, motherhood is a universal language” or some other platitude that, while true, doesn’t really illuminate anything.

Fast forward to a few months later. At a pretty large event, this same friend’s mother was fretting about her son who was driving in to our fair city from another province that night. Her son is well into adulthood, but the look on her face and the tone of her voice as I overheard her talking to another mother about how late it was getting really struck a chord with me. At that moment, something clicked in both my mind and my heart – this “FEELING” I have all the time about Daniel is NEVER EVER going to go away. The all encompassing love, worry, anxiety and pride will be with me forever. There is a motherhood club, and while it’s not exactly exclusive, there’s only one way to get in.

A few weeks ago another friend of mine, whose children are in their teens/early 20s, was talking to me about motherhood. She said, “I remember after I gave birth to my son, I looked into his face and saw the whole universe in it.” I don’t think there is a better way to explain it – if you’re not seeing THE whole universe in your kid’s face, you’re certainly seeing YOUR whole universe.

So, while I promised myself that my blog wouldn’t consist of expositions on “mom club” and just how darn tootin’ special being a mommy is, a recent “big fight” with a close girlfriend of mind has me musing about all of this and more.

First of all – why is my friend pissed off at me? She is upset because I missed her birthday. Well, what I actually missed was calling her on her birthday. I remembered her birthday, remembered to send her a birthday card and a small gift (which arrived only one day late!), but I didn’t pick up the phone and call on the day. She’s upset. Perhaps she has a right to be. Perhaps she had a right to expect a phonecall. From my perspective, however, I am now upset – I feel that I was dumped on by her at a time when I really didn’t need it (this week on TLC: Stressful Solo Parenting Week!). I didn’t call her on her birthday because her birthday was the day my hubby and I ran all the errands that needed to get done before he left the country for the better part of this week. I explained this and she was still upset. Well, that makes me upset.

One of the many significant things that happens when you have children is that your priorities drastically shift and change. Your new precious babe (or babes as the case may be!) is paramount and everything else, and I mean everything else, takes a shift downwards. A whole other human being’s needs now come before your own. Therefore, this small person also trumps the other people in your life, from husband to relatives to friends to coworkers. What I’m saying is this: I can’t be the same person I was before. I can’t be the same kind of friend I was before. If I remember your birthday or anniversary at all, I think I’m doing a pretty good job. If I get it together enough to get you a gift, well you should know that you’re pretty special to me. If I remember to do anything for you during the week that my kid is projectile vomiting and constantly shitting himself – well, that tells you that you’re one of the inner sanctum. I’m not an uber-mom who remembers to do everything and then some. I know I don’t cope as well as some other moms. I don’t love every minute of my motherhood experience (in fact, there’s a lot I really don’t like and resent). I often feel drained and "odd" and wonder what happened to that Emily girl. But I couldn’t love my baby more if I tried. There is nothing I would not do for him. Just looking at him makes me feel happy and swell with pride. Almost all of my existence and pretty much all of my decisions take him into consideration. Because of all of that, less can and will be done for you. I’m sorry if that’s harsh, dear reader, but I don’t know how else to explain it.

This same friend who is PO’d told me that my recent blog entry about what it’s like to have a sick kid offended her because I used the word “childless” in a mean fashion and apparently my tone indicated that I am mad at my childless friends or, at the very least, was somehow being condescending to them. This floored me! The entry was supposed to be humorous and entertaining – funny, in fact! It was not meant to offend. Yes, I was trying to illuminate a point – there are certain things that you just don’t get or completely understand until you have kids. There are things that you never considered and experiences that you never conceived of. I’m sorry if this offends. I’m sorry if those of you without kids think I’m being condescending. I’m sorry if you think that I am exaggerating the notion that you don’t really get what parenting is until you have kids. For those of you that think it will be different for you, maybe it will. In fact, I know it will on many levels as no one mothers or parents in the same way because no one has the same strengths, abilities or resources. My one and only intentional snarky point in the sick kid post was that telling me things like I “need to get out more” after I’ve just told you that I finished cleaning vomit an hour earlier is frankly obtuse and a bit insensitive. However, I’m sure I did similar or worse things to those of my friends that had kids before me. Why? Because I didn’t get it! I’m not mad at you for telling me that going back to work will be good for me (yes, it will be!) after I’ve just told you that I start crying at the very thought of my baby being in daycare. I am, however, somewhat bemused by the fact that you don’t seem to understand my reality.


My supposed attack on the “childless” (apparently the preferred term is “child-free”) was not meant to create a wall between us. I am very concerned about trends like the “mommy wars” and the “wall between women.” I think we need to work harder to let women mother and work and "self-actualize" however they want without judgement. So, I am certainly not trying to create a barrier between the “child-free” and parents, specifically between child-free women and mothers. I was trying to be funny (perhaps badly – I never claimed to be Helen Fielding!) and illustrate a point. I will try harder to look at things from the childless perspective. It’s actually not that hard for me – I was “childless” only a year ago! However, some of you that took offense could perhaps try a bit harder to look at things from the perspective of “mom.” Is your term “child-free” offensive to mothers because it implies that you’re free of some "burden" - our kids - that we’re not? If you compare me to some other friend of yours who is also a mother, but is apparently more considerate, attentive, happy, physically fit and less neurotic, do I get to be upset?

When I was considering getting pregnant and then once I was, I remember the smug feeling of “oh that won’t be me” whenever I read or heard about some "truth" or aspect of motherhood. How can breastfeeding be a nightmare? ~Oh my God, how it was for me! Well, my relationship won’t suffer! ~It’s suffered so much that we’re still in recovery mode! How can you not lose the weight? ~I’ve just bought a “back to work” wardrobe that’s one entire size bigger. I could never be a stay-at-home mom! ~I’ve been thinking about if for 6 months. Pacifiers, family bed, exclusive breastfeeding, attachment parenting, homeschooling, allergies are all ridiculous symptoms of the modern “psycho-babble” parenting. ~While a lot of that is not for me, I actually understand all of it now. Parents are just trying to do what is best for their children and/or are doing whatever works for them and their family. Once I was well into this first year of motherhood, I realized that these aspects and truths of motherhood do apply to all new mothers (OK, maybe not that Heidi Klum bitch!) on some level because you become a different person after having a baby. The “oh that won’t be me” will definitely come back to haunt you more than once. However, the one thing I kept disbelieving was the suggestion that many of my friendships would change, and not for the better, due to motherhood. I staunchly believed things would chug along like before. Not my friendships – they’re so strong, so old and have already survived a hell of a lot. ~Well, I was being foolish because if I’ve become a totally different person, of course my friendships can’t stay the same!

I just hope that if my “child-free” friends and I can all survive and like the new me (and eventually, in some of your cases, the future new yous) that we will somehow end up better and stronger friends than ever. If you’re looking for that Emily girl, I think she was just at the pub . . . two years ago. If you’re looking for Momily, there’s a good chance that she’s in the kitchen . . . apparently, there’s a club meeting going on.

Image source: It's from here, but I'm pretty sure its actual origin is the clipart that comes with Word.

5-4-3-2-1: (moon)walk!

Daniel is almost walking! It’s very, very exciting! He stands on his own now - unsupported- for a few seconds and is making the motions of wanting to take a step all the time. He has also just started to get into a “head stand” position from lying down or sitting. I think we’re very close to him walking, but I’ve heard that sometimes this in-between stage lasts a long time. My two wishes: 1) If walking is indeed just around the corner, I hope he holds off until D. Sr. is back from California 2) If it’s not right around the corner, then he better not walk for the first time at the baby depot (AKA daycare). Watch Momily have a nervous breakdown as she misses major milestones. Fun everyone can enjoy!

In other walking news . . . This story shocks me for several reasons (bear with me and read the thing):

Search on for Moon landing film: A search has begun to locate the original film footage of man's first steps on the Moon.

The footage of the Apollo 11 crew's landing on the Moon is one of 20th Century's most important artefacts. The tapes are believed to be stored somewhere in the archive at NASA's Goddard Space Flight Centre, Maryland. But as many of those involved in the archiving of the original tapes moved on, retired or passed away their location has been lost.

The footage seen by people around the world has been compared to a photocopy of a photocopy, according to the Daily Telegraph newspaper. It came from a camera that had been pointed at a black-and-white monitor. The astronauts actually beamed higher-quality footage back to Earth -seen by a small number of people at three tracking stations. But this had already been stripped of much of its detail. To make sure the transmission would make it back to Earth, the images sent back by the astronauts were recorded at 10 frames per second (fps), and had to be converted to 60fps in order to be broadcast.

In the process, much of the detail was lost.

Eighty one-year-old Stan Lebar was in charge of the images from Apollo 11. He said what he saw was so blurred he initially thought something had gone wrong.
"We thought there had been a problem getting the converter to work properly," he said. "What was broadcast to the world was nowhere near as good as what was received," said John Sarkissian, of the CSIRO Parkes Observatory in Australia, one of the three tracking stations that taped the original footage before sending it on to Houston in converted form.

Although these tapes did not match the standard of normal TV transmissions, they would still be better than the video we have today, especially if processed using digital technology. A coalition of scientists and Nasa veterans - including Mr Lebar and Mr Sarkissian - is now hunting through Nasa's archives.
The tapes appear to have been sent to the US National Archives, before being returned to Nasa, which stored them at its Goddard Space Flight Center in Maryland.

"I just think this is what happens when you have a large government bureaucracy that functions for decade after decade," said Keith Cowing, editor of the website NASA Watch. "It's not malicious or intentional, but I think it's unfortunate that Nasa doesn't have maybe just one more person whose job it is to look back at its history."

A Nasa spokesman said: "We're trying to track them down through the paperwork created at the time - but it's 35 years ago, so it's a challenge."

~Above story from BBC NEWS

1. First, I have recently almost become converted to the idea that the moon walk (of the outer space variety not the Michael Jackson variety) never actually happened and it was all a propaganda-hoax “rah, rah America” type thing at a time when they really needed it. Now that they have lost the tapes, well . . . I mean, how the crap do you lose one of the most important pieces of documented history ever? Do you "lose" them because you don't want them to be scrutinized under the technology that exists today? Anyway, I’m not sure I’m 100% on board with the “moon walk never happened” theory, but I’m pretty damn close. For those of you that either think I’m crazy or have had doubts yourself, you must watch the brilliant documentary, Dark Side of the Moon: Find a video store that rents it and see it ASAP!!! The documentary deconstructs the moon footage and hones in on the fact that at one point the US flag is flapping on the wind – even though those us with only a basic science understanding know that there is no wind on the moon! (Wikipedia explains it well: http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Apollo_moon_landing_conspiracy_theory)

2. If the moon landing is real, then who the hell is the worst librarian-archivist EVER that allowed the tapes to go missing. I am in shock! If I lost a reference book I’d be in major shit at work, and some fu$%ing joker lost the seminal piece of 20th century science footage. Unbelievable! Can we say U-N-I-O-N job?

3. Recently Canadian astronaut, Chris Hadfield, visited our far north and had an impromptu Q + A session with some of our northern Canadians. The media, especially the American media, had a field day with this as some of the remarks made by the "group of aboriginals who still sometimes use spears" included:

• "Since there are so many holes in the ozone layer already, maybe you should stop launching rockets so you don't tear any more."


• "So, in space, everything is free?"


• "Has anybody reached the moon yet?"

I think our friends WAY north of 60 might just be on to something, don't you?

Image is a mash-up of what I am 99% sure is a public domain moon picture and my own picture.

Alone again, naturally

There was a time not too long ago¹ when I loved “alone time.” There were a million things that I would enjoy doing in my alone time – long baths, reading, walks, sunbathing, watching crap on TV. Now, however, I find that I hate alone time or at least hate what the present-day incarnation of “alone time” actually is. Alone time now means that I am alone with D. Jr. for LONG STRETCHES of time – it does not mean that I am soaking in the tub with essential oils and the European edition of Cosmo. Far from it.

I should back up, I guess. I am currently in the midst of anticipating/dreading 4 days of upcoming “abandonment” by D. Sr. this week. D. Sr. is leaving for California on Tuesday morning (at a time so early that even D. Jr. will not be awake) and coming back Friday night at a time so late that no one - not even Petey Pablo, canine - will be up waiting for him.

This isn’t the first time D. Sr. has had to leave us for business travel, but it will be one of the longest stretches. Also, D. Jr. can be such a little hellion now that I am already exhausted thinking about my approximately 96 hours of solo parenting. When you factor in the joys of Petey, somehow doing all the crap that needs to get done in a week, and the fact that I don’t really have anyone available to either break up the monotony of my days or even help out much, I am really dreading it. It is a challenge - trying to get "comfortable" with the feelings that come along with no adult stimulation for HOURS or even DAYS at a time . . . in a weird way the blog will be a lifesaver, I’m sure. Also, difficult is getting used to the potentiality of always being interrupted no matter what you’re doing by crying, poop, injury, etc. This "alone time" reality means that quick showers are always the mode and long baths never are.

Needless to say, then, this type of alone time does not resemble anything from my past. The only “down time” I get is when D. Jr. naps and goes to bed for the night and I normally spend this time trying to shower, to clean the house, do laundry, pay bills, make formula, do phone calls, etc. – all that incidental stuff that just doesn’t get done when he is awake and charging around the house, poking the dog and examining electrical outlets. When he finally goes to bed for the night, I might get a chance to read or watch TV, but not for long as I try to get to bed early. Why? Because if D. Jr. is up in the night (sadly a frequent occurrence lately²) it’s my problem and mine alone. There just isn’t another adult to switch off with.

I feel bad whining and complaining about this, but what can I say? It’s just SO HARD – tiring, exhausting, more than a bit stultifying – and I can’t find the bright side of all this “alone time.” I know a lot of single parents do this all the time and all I can say is hats off to them and thank God for quality children’s television programming. I also feel bad because I know that my “complaining” (I prefer to call it “expressing my feelings about reality”) makes Dustin feel bad, but to date he has not had to be the single parent for days in a row so he doesn’t really know what it feels like. I know that he’s not on a pleasure cruise – it’s work-related travel – but I have to admit that I am envious and resentful of the fact that he gets to spend 4 days in sunny California in a premiere hotel and eating at fine restaurants. His upcoming “reality” would be my fantasy. He admits that he enjoys himself – especially the consistent and uninterrupted sleep – but that being away from us is really difficult and challenging and he’d much rather be at home (I think he just says that so I’ll shut up!!).


The last time I had true “alone time” (as in time spent without D. Sr. and D. Jr.) was last week for a couple of hours and it was spent out of the house. I went shopping for an undergarment that I can wear under a dress to an upcoming wedding – an undergarment whose sole purpose is to reshape and redistribute all the fat in my torso that has not gone away since birthing D. Jr. After trying on about 10 of these things, I wasn’t exactly feeling bright and happy about myself. It was a really crappy way to spend my alone time – no wonder Momily had to buy a bottle of Pinot Grigio just for herself that night. I guess my point here is that where my alone time may result in bulimia, D. Sr.’s alone time results in getting rid of the dark circles under his eyes and enjoying quality sushi. Not that it’s a competition or anything about who suffers the most . . . but if it was I’d certainly be the winner. THPPPT!


So, all I can do is get through this week while I miss my husband terribly and try to find some coping methods (booze, blog, bad TV - in that order). This will be the first time that D. Jr. and I are alone together where we have both the car and D. Jr. being in good health (knock on wood!), so it should be better than previous times. Hopefully, we can attempt to get out of the house in the days and Momily can drink alone at nights and all will be well. Either way, you can expect to read more about it soon.



¹ The recent realization that D. Jr. has spent more time out of me than in me has put me in a bit of a time warp, so I’m not entirely sure how long ago these carefree days actually were!
² I can’t complain too much about this – D. Jr. usually is usually up only once in the night wanting a bottle and goes back to sleep right away. The issue is that I have a very hard time falling back asleep. UGH!

~Image source: http://www.howitis.org.uk

At least I can surf eBay, while I’m on hold!

I’m sorry to have not posted for a while! What a way to not build a readership. My apologies, dear readers!

I have been busy but with lame-ass things like being on hold forever with our federal government’s EI hotline only to be told that the computers are down so they can’t help me. My big inquiry – do I have to let them know my return date to work (re: EI and maternity leave benefits)? She could not tell me without her computer. Shouldn’t this be pretty basic and standard stuff – either you want to know my return date or not! I was not too happy.

It took me 3 minutes just to get through their many menus of “to do this press this” only to end up hitting zero in frustration. I am also tired of hearing lengthy special messages for “residents of Quebec only” every time I call the feds. How about if you are a Quebecer, press a button so that no one else from the rest of Canada needs to know how special you are or, better yet, call one of the hundreds of French-only numbers that the feds have already created due to the special-ness of Quebec. And before you call me an asshole Albertan – I was born in Montreal, can remember growing up in Laval (my Catholic school experience took place in Quebec), I still have family living in the belle province (such as my dad), and I received a horrible spanking when I was seven for calling the neighbour kid and his friends “frogs” from my swing set. Therefore, I am allowed to hate Quebec. Rant done.

How else was I busy this week? I spent too much of my time yesterday trying to get a ticket to folk fest through the online ticket board to no avail (hence plea above).

My other very MAJOR time-consumer this week: I recently became addicted to eBay.

As many of you know, I am already addicted to any kind of second-hand shopping, especially when it comes to baby stuff. I know the second-hand scene isn’t for everyone (which I don’t totally get!), but when it comes to baby stuff I think everyone should be converted. First of all, maybe you don’t want to buy that shirt for yourself because the previous owner could have been icks, but how icks can a little sweet baby be?? Secondly, babies are in things for a few months max. before they outgrow them. Third, I have found a ton of stuff for Daniel that still had its tags, meaning the stuff had never even been worn (from gift bag to storage). Fourth, when it comes to non-clothing items (exersaucer, bassinette, toys), bleach, Lysol, a dishwasher or your washing machine is all you need to make things “like new” again!

So, my addiction to the second-hand scene is nothing new as I frequent consignment shops, Good-Will type establishments, yard/garage sales, and community hall/church sales on a regular basis. I had, however, never tried eBay . . . until earlier this week! I had resisted it because there was so much hassle with creating an account and I couldn’t imagine having to go through the money order process. But now that Pay Pal exists (best invention ever, by the way) it couldn’t be easier and slicker. I LOVE IT. In a few short days I am totally down with the EB. I now know that NWT (new with tags) has nothing to do with the Northwest Territories and EUC (excellent used condition) has nothing to do with Euros.

I have already bought something – an outfit for D Jr. to wear to his (controversial) baptism (and possibly a certain set of upcoming nuptials). It is cheesy little white suit/tuxedo thing (size 12 months) and it cost me 99 cents! The seller claims her kid wore it once. I’m paying 9 bucks in shipping ($#%# Canada Post!). Still, 10 bucks for an almost new suit that my kid is going to wear once or twice, compared to 30 to 50 bucks brand new . . . let’s just say I feel like I’m king of the world (those of us of Mediterranean descent love a deal. We can’t help it. It’s genetic. A deal almost trumps all; tax evasion and any kind of scamming of the feds is first). I’ve also bid on a snowsuit and I am about to bid on a Halloween costume. The Halloween costumes are the best as most have been lovingly hand-made by someone, which means that my kid gets to benefit from someone else’s handiwork and originality even though his own mother can hardly thread a needle.





The costume I’m eyeing is here. But thanks to eBay, I also know that I can buy a Yoda or Darth Vader costume in minute child-size.

So to sum up, eBay is the best thing ever and if I end up quitting my job later this year and joining the ranks of stay-at-home moms (see future posts), I think I will slowly start selling the contents of my house on eBay in order to feel like I still have a job.

In other news: I am putting out a bag of clothes for the homeless guy. Hopefully, he gets it as opposed to one of the many middle-class garbage scavengers in my neighbourhood (#$%$# thrift shoppers)!

Images source: you can find pictures of these Star Wars costumes all over eBay and the Internet in general. I'm not sure of the original source.

we don't hate you, but we don't exactly like you

Response No. 2 (regarding my letter to the editor to AMA's magazine, Westworld):

Dear Emily Fringer,

Thank you very much for taking the time to contact Westworld. Your point is a good one, and I will pass it on. We might also include your letter in the November issue's "We've Got Mail."

Sincerely,

Managing Editor
Westworld Magazine

My thoughts: $%@&# NOVEMBER!!!

Mr. Roboto - part 2

These are the pictures that were supposed to accompany the neglect-o-vision post below . . . Blogger is having some kind of problem with uploading images properly.



 

Domo arigato, Mr. Roboto: neglect-o-vision and me

Aside: Does everyone have the flu? I can’t believe that no one commented on my child’s uncanny resemblance to Ricky Martin (or has commented on much else recently). Am I boring you? Has the novelty worn off already? Fickleness thy name is my peeps.

Back to today’s post – the joys of neglect-o-vision (I wish could claim the coinage of this term, but I actually heard it on TV a few months ago).

First let me say this - I blame Shannon (of the boy variety). He and his lovely wife purchased a big box of bath toys for Daniel (for Christmas I believe). Inside the tub o’ toys was a free DVD. The DVD is of an animated children’s series called “Rolie Polie Olie.” When Daniel was about 7 months old we noticed that he had started noticing the TV. He would watch it for a minute or two if something simple was on (it had to be something of high contrast like hockey or certain commercials) and then he would move on. On a lark one day shortly after this, I thought I would pop in the Rolie Polie Olie DVD and see what happened. I knew there were all kinds of TV shows and DVDs (Baby Einstein for example) aimed at babies and although I hadn’t tried any of them, I had heard from other parents that they were a godsend. The children’s librarian in me, though, had no interest in purposely starting Daniel on TV this young. He loved his board books and toys and was easily entertained. I didn’t really care if the TV was on in the background while he was doing his other things because he didn’t really get involved – he hardly noticed it. Remember, I initially popped the Rolie Polie Olie DVD in as a lark – an experiment of sorts to see how he would react. OK – it was an afternoon where Daniel was being quite grumpy and irritable, but I really wasn’t expecting what happened. I just wasn’t prepared for what would happen. . . .

HE ABSOLUTELY LOVED IT!!!

My little 71/2 month old (at that time) loved the DVD. He’s over 10 months old now and loves it just as much, if not more, than those first times. He has an attention span for it that he is just not supposed to be capable of having. He can watch half an hour, easily . . . and he is really watching it. He’s engrossed by it. He laughs at parts. He jumps up and down when he is excited. He knows what’s coming when I pop the DVD in and natters and whines until it starts playing.

WE’VE CREATED A MONSTER.

He loves it so much that we have to use it sparingly. It is a godsend, but I am limiting him to about 45 minutes a day. Now that he is so mobile it is great to be able to pop him in his saucer with Rolie and be able to do dishes or laundry or eat a meal or whatever while he is ecstatic over being allowed to watch his program. But it is more than a little disturbing. The pictures of Daniel in this post were taken while he was recently watching what we now call his “crack.”

The weird thing is that this program is aimed at a much older age group - definitely upper preschool and early elementary. I console myself with the fact that it’s based on a book and that the creator, William Joyce, is a well-known children’s author. I presume the appeal is the high contrast colours, simple animation and fairly slow movement, but it’s so hard to tell. I actually tried some Baby Einsteins recently and D Jr. has no interest in them whatsoever. The only thing he has this kind of attention span for is Rolie Polie Olie.

For the most part the show is cute and innocent enough. The show takes place on another planet inhabited entirely by robots. The inhabitants of this planet are humanoid robots, but everything on the planet is robotic and alive (i.e. the house is called “Housey” and has a face, the couch is called - wait for it - “Couchy” and has a face). The humanoid robots speak in a manner that is a combination of beatnik and Ned Flanders (rhyming, sing-song and annoying). The Polies are the main characters - they are a robot family and the son, Olie Polie, is the show's title character. The other characters in the family are Olie’s parents, Pappy Polie (grandpa), Zowie Polie (sister), Spot the dog, and Uncle Gizmo. The Polies and most of the robots on this planet are made up of curves, circles, and spheres.

Dustin and I have taken to deconstructing RPO lately because it is normally the soundtrack of our meals together. We think that the whole show is actually a period piece taking place circa 1964. The Polies are a traditional “Leave it to Beaver” type of family. Mom is clearly about to snap and is stifled by her domestic routine. All Mom does is bake and clean and her speech is limited to exclamations of shock and giggles (I’m not so happy about this message!!). Dad spends a lot of time in the garage. Grandpa Pappy is a feeb. Uncle Gizmo is the most disturbing character – he looks and speaks like Elvis. He has a robot pompadour and – I find this especially creepy – has robot chest hair. Once we even saw his ass crack. I think Olie’s mom and Uncle Gizmo are knocking robo-boots. I sense their sexual tension all the time – let’s just say Olie’s dad does not have chest hair.

Olie’s best friend is Billy Bevel. The Bevels are newcomers to the planet – they’re composed of angles, rectangles and squares. Therefore, they don’t quite fit in to the spherical world. A recurring message of the show is that “different is the same” “different is good” “square is just as good as round” etc. For example, one song goes like this, “if you’re round, you’re round/if you’re’ square, you’re square/ just put your feet right up in the air” (they’re singing about dancing, you perverts!)

The Bevels are definitely beatniks. They are tres cool in their dress and speech. Mrs. Bevel appears to be a working mom – as such her baby, Binky Bevel (do you want to kill yourself, yet?), seems to spend an awful lot of time at the Polies.

Yup – we get to watch this same program over and over again. As you can see, it can drive you crazy. I have started borrowing other Rolie Polie Olie DVDs from the library because I just can’t stand hearing the same DVD over and over again. I even bought 2 for Daniel’s upcoming birthday – we need the variety. The additional DVDs, though, have kind of made things worse because now that we now know even more about the Polies and their crew, we can deconstruct on a whole new level.

I never thought that I would be the kind of parent who plops her child in front of neglect-o-vision once or twice a day. But a highly mobile baby with slightly maniacal tendencies and no concept of danger is a recipe for injury (Daniel’s) and insanity (mine). Yes, I never thought I would use a crutch like this, but hot damn it makes life so much easier it’s just hard to feel guilty.

Images come from the book, Rolie Polie Olie by William Joyce (ISBN: 0060271639 , Harper Collins Canada)